The holiday season is a time for joy, love, and togetherness, but for families navigating the challenges of divorce or separation, it can also be a period of anxiety, grief, adjustment, and change. While the family dynamics may be different, it's essential to prioritize creating special moments and new memories for children during this time. By focusing on love, understanding, collaboration, and the best interests of children, parents can forge new holiday traditions that bring joy to their children's lives and reinforce the continuity of family relationships despite a new family structure. In this blog, we'll explore some practical ways to make the holidays special for children after a divorce.

Emphasize Communication and Collaboration

One of the keys to ensuring a positive holiday experience for children after a divorce is effective communication between co-parents. Collaborate with your co-parent on holiday plans, discuss old and new traditions, and establish a schedule that allows children to spend meaningful time with both parents and extended families. This collaboration demonstrates unity and ensures that children feel the love and support of their entire family.

Communicating with a co-parent after divorce can be challenging. In order to make communication effective employ the following tips and tricks.

1. Plan in Advance: Start the conversation well in advance of the holidays. Early planning allows both parents to coordinate schedules, make arrangements, and address any concerns without the pressure of looming deadlines.
2. Use Neutral and Respectful Language: When communicating, use neutral and respectful language. Avoid blaming, criticizing, name-calling, or bringing up past conflicts or perceived failures. Keep the conversation centered on the children and the shared goal of providing them with a happy and stable holiday experience.
3. Flexibility and Compromise: Be flexible and open to compromise. Understand that unforeseen circumstances may arise, and plans may need to be adjusted. Show a willingness to work together to find solutions that accommodate both parents' schedules and the children's needs.
4. Prioritize Your Children's Best Interests: Keep the focus on the best interests of your children. Remind yourselves that the holidays are about creating positive and memorable experiences for them. Consider their preferences and be willing to compromise to ensure they can enjoy time with both parents.
5. Establish or Follow an Already-Established Holiday Parenting Plan: If you do not already have an agreement regarding holiday parenting time, consider creating and memorializing, in writing, an agreement that includes details about parenting time, holiday traditions, and any expectations for gift-giving, and then stick to the terms of your agreement. Having a written holiday parenting plan provides clarity and minimizes misunderstandings.
6. Utilize Technology: Technology can be a helpful tool for coordinating holiday plans. Use messaging apps, emails, programs like Talking Parents, Civil Communicator, or Our Family Wizard and shared calendars to keep each other informed about schedules and events. This ensures that both parents are on the same page and can easily reference agreed-upon plans.
7. Seek Mediation if Necessary: If communication becomes too challenging or there are significant disagreements, consider seeking the assistance of a mediator or a family counselor. A neutral third party can help facilitate discussions, find common ground, and ensure that both parents have a chance to voice their concerns.

Create New Traditions

While it may be tempting to cling to old traditions, consider embracing the opportunity to create new ones. Work with your co-parent to establish unique holiday rituals in each household that cater to the changing family dynamics. Whether it's a special ornament-making night at dad’s house, a holiday movie marathon at mom’s, a trip to see a special light display with friends, or a ride on the Polar Express with grandma and grandpa, these new traditions can become cherished memories for years to come.

Focus on Quality Time

The holiday season is about spending quality time with loved ones, and divorced parents can contribute to this by focusing on the time they have with their children. Engage in activities that encourage bonding and create lasting memories. Whether it's playing board games, going ice skating, or taking a winter walk in the park, prioritize shared experiences that bring joy and connection.

Include BOTH Parents in Celebrations

Whenever possible, involve both parents in holiday celebrations. This can include joint family dinners, attending school events together, or even sharing gift-giving responsibilities. Demonstrating unity during the holidays reinforces the message that both parents are actively involved in their children's lives.

Be Mindful of Gift-Giving

Coordinate with your co-parent on gift-giving to avoid duplication and ensure balance. If possible, consider purchasing gifts together for the children, emphasizing collaboration rather than competition. This approach helps create a seamless and stress-free gift-giving experience for everyone involved. Also consider helping your children pick out and purchase or make a special gift for their co-parent. This will communicate to your children and you support and encourage the loving relationship they share with the other parent.